THE BLOG

i am not drunk enough for this shit bro.

Today marks the 25th anniversary of the death of my favorite bully in middle school Michael Michigan, who died of Deep Vein Thrombosis while in the middle of giving me one of his iconic Wet Willy Wedgie in the middle of freaking gym class.
Fuck dude, it hurts, he used to tell me “HEY YOU LITTLE TWERP! GIMMIE YOUR LUNCH MONEY!” And “FUCK YOU” i miss him so much. The day he died i was just inconsolable, so in order to calm myself i went into my local retirement facility and hid in a bush, then i began screaming in vietnamese at the elders in order to trigger flashbacks. Then i shot at them with my ak-47 in order to avenge my people and to glorify the future of a communist Vietnam.
ALL HAIL HO CHI MINH!

Hey Gayls, I’m the big ol’ gimbo man and i has a new piece of word salad to give ye for flavors,

MY PAYCHECK KEEPS GETTING BEHEADED BY THE BIG PEDOPHILE HITLER GOVERNMENT KNOWN AS TUMP (2026)
I NEED FUCKING MINEY FFS SO I CAN AFFORD KRE DOORDASH AND PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILL LACED SLURPEE’S!!!!

ALSO GUYS IT’S JUNE 3RD YOU know what that MEANS RIGHT?!, the last Ant in my house, Jerry Larry Jr has passed awy this freaking morning after complications from bullet, i shot the ant I SHOT THE ANT I SHOT THE ANT WITH MY GUN, it was 9mm, it freakFUCKING exploded into a big goopy goop of ant goop poop and made a flippin’ mess all over the place.
THE BIG SEX EVENT OF AMETICA 250 ANIVERSY HAS ALREADY COSTED ME $25 AND A SANDWICH OF FLAVOR AND TASER (i bought a taser)
SO I CAN TAZE THE SCARY RAVIOLI MOTHERFUCKERS in my dreams. But instead I used the taser in self defense against my freaking wife because she’s MEAN to me! :( also if Mama amazon doesn’t deliver my dip dip-double-souble-doop-pop-soda-laser-beam-israeli-fuckfest Canned Artichokes, i’m going to blow my head off with a FUCKING SHOTGUN!

I LOVE EATING PIZZA!

Hey gang squad,

MY SOUP IS DONE.
It’s not minestrone tho
:(

It got Andy in the throat last night, I barely saw it tear his skull off with one quick swipe.
I emptied 2 magazines at it but i couldn’t see if any of the bullets hit it, wouldn’t matter anyway, i’ve been running through deserted villages for days and I’m almost out of rounds.
God help me.

I did, a new kind of souped carrot sauce tonight, i was feeling it special tonight but the sauce wasnt doogling properly, so i shot it 5 times with 22 ammunition, so it wouldn’t have leave a mark, but seasoned dips can cause a brand new illness called the fuck you disease that can lead to spicy apples and DAETH.


Fuck you

GUYS WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FREAKING HECK IS GOIN ON AROUND HERE?!?!

Ok so, while i was eating my fucking favorite savory foodle noodles in the amazing cafeteria of food and dood, i was freaking assaulted violently by freaking anti noodle extremists who stabbed me in the face and chopped all of my legs off and then poured pure lemon fucking juice onto me wounds to create big pain, but to top it all off, THEY SAID A SWEAR WORDS LIKE FUCK AND SHIT.
I do NOT condone swearing, Swearing is bad and inappropriate and anyone who says swear words should go to hell and JAIL
And they should have anti swearing training to prevent them from saying harmful words that can cause hurt feelings and pain, pain that hurt me worse than stab wond is swearing wond. Moral of da storie, Swearing is socially unacceptable and if you swear you should shut the fuck up and STOP BEING FREAKING INAPPROPRITE!!!!!!!!!!

What if i took a can of condensed soup (chicken noodle edition) and instead of boiling it, i chucked it at my neighbors fuckin’ window cause he’s a lil’ bitch and i hate him.

Ok so, last night was pretty freaking crazyyyyyy.

THE SAUCE MONSTER CAME TO MY DOOR AND ATEMPTED TO SPREAD THE GOOD FREAKING WORD OF THE GOSPEL OF MORMON JESUS FROM THE MORMON BIBLE, I DO NOT LIVE IN UTAH WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE MORMONS AT MY DOORMON?! FUCKING NERDS, SO I TOOK OUT MY BUTT AND POOPED ON THEM SELF DEFENSELY, do not come to my house to mormon things ok guys.

: )

I didn’t wanna have to make this post guys, BUT THIS HAS GONE ON TOO FAR LONG! 😡
i went to Dunkin Fuckin Donuts to get some freaking dononut juice for flavor, unfortunately they fired my brother jef smunksbury jenkins from his role as personal donut ruiner, I GENERALLY PREFER MY DONUTS INEDIBLE AND GARBAGE. I was instead provided with donuts that are just average, JK THEIR DONUTS FUCKING SUCK FUCK!
DRINKING A SAND BLEACH COCKTAIL IS TASTIER THAN ANYTH DUNKIN FUCKING DONUTS HAVE ON THEIR MENUE!

I AM MILDLY INCONVENIENCED ABOUT THIS!!!!

GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! GALS!
I AM THE SUPER FUCKIMG PISSED OFF RIGHT FREAKING NOW!
OKAY, SO I WAS ATTEMPTING TO EAT CHEERIOS THE WASHINGTON WAY, BUT I DID NOT DO IT IN THE GENERALLY ACCEPTABLE WAY AND IT BACKFIRED TREMENDOUSLY AND MY ASS IS BLEEDING FOR THE 893RD TIME THIS MONTH.
i am so sad now i will watch ren and stimy and try not to do cry.
Please pray for me to our lord gabe newell, that i may get a steam machine at some point in my lifetime.
I’m sorry
Darrius Honson Gimbo,

Hi guys! Welcome to the gimbo website! I hope you do a like it!

But if you dont….
You better.